Being “Naughty” at the Dining Table
Conrad Ho
Yu Sum hosted a big stomach ever since the first mouthful of milk. At the age of 1.5 years, grandpa and grandma brought him out for a dim sum breakfast for the first time. Honey seeped out from their hearts as they watched the grandson enjoyed the food. As Yu Sum continued to snatch up foods, they began to worry about over-eating, which eventually became a shock. He ate even more than his auntie, his belly protruding like a ball. Each time we had a dinner party with friends, there would be admiring glances from parents: “It will be so nice if my kid eats as independently and as much as him.”
Since early October of 2003, Yu Sum could still eat as much but began to wander off from the dining table. A meal could last for 45 minutes. Only then could I really appreciate the anger, frustrations and cleaning work behind the comment.
One or two weeks afterwards, his appetite dropped 50% and he was willing to eat only on my or Amy’s laps. I observed us going nervous, chasing after him to put in even just one more mouthful. Out of the meal times, we gave more snacks. But soon, we realized that this was spoiling and we changed our strategy. I scolded him more while Amy more frequently squeezed him back to his high chair. Sometimes, we simply ignored him. Still, Yu Sum did not receive the message, eating in his own way.
In mid-November, he suddenly became willing to remain seated in his high chair again, more concentrated in his eating. This kept on happening so it was not a random event. We were confused. Who had or had not done what so as to trigger this change?
At the end of November, we looked back to find increasingly frequent cases of stomach problems in kids in the society at large and a mild flu for 2 weeks in Yu Sum. Before the change, he had vomited with no apparent reason for several times, several days in between, coupled with a low fever and sporadic coughing for a week. Besides, he was much more willing to play after the change. These cues seemed to point to the same conclusion, that Yu Sum was feeling unwell so that his eating habit turned problematic briefly. We have wrongly blamed him that this was his groundless choice to be naughty.
I suddenly felt Yu Sum’s sorrow and depression. Being an infant can be a painful experience. The body is uncomfortable. It does not know how to handle, maybe it does not even know what is happening. Whichever way, it is unable to articulate his situation in language. It shows it in behaviour, but is mis-understood. Again, it could not express well the resultant depression. It is a vicious cycle.
Being young-at-heart, after all, can have multiple functions and meanings, one of which is to enable the parents to better understand their kids’ situation.