Born Rebellious
Conrad Ho
Yu Sum’s first uttered word that was comprehensible to us came when he was 11-month-old. It was “Understood!” (chi in Cantonese) He used to say this in response to our asking if he understood us after giving him certain instructions. Each time he said so, adults would burst out laughing, and would then give him positive remarks. “You are such a nice kid!” Interestingly, the second comprehensible uttered word, which came weeks later, was “no!” (ng ho in Cantonese) “Yu Sum, wash your hands before meal.” “No!” “Yu Sum, brush your teeth before bed.” “No!” “Yu Sum, be quiet!” “No!”
Yu Sum could take a meal all by himself soon after turning one in January 2003, wasting 50% of the food given. In May, he was wasting only 10%. However, in June, he suddenly decided not to use the spoon “properly”. He might grab food with bare hands, or threw foods around. In July, things went uncontrollable. He was turning a deaf ear to instructions.
Yu Sum used to be cooperative when we went out together, allowing us to change his clothes and stay calmly in our arms while out. Now, he would make a mess routinely, wetting the clothes with tears and saliva so that we had to change him again. When out, he would sometimes struggle to get on his feet while being held but yelled to be held when down. Such endless troubles tired us out. We noticed that we were growing more fierce towards him AND the elder brother. Anger was piling up inside.
One day before writing this article, I read an eye-opening research report. The hypothesis was that younger siblings would use sabotage strategy to disrupt current order to attract parental attention to get hold of maximum resources. The first part was literature survey. The researchers checked through information of over 1,200 well-known persons in history who had broken the current order in their respective fields of expertise at their times to bring in revolutionary contributions. Over 80% were younger siblings in their families, a side-proof of the sabotage tendency. The second part was field research. The researcher checked the milk supplies of all the nipples of a mother pig and the weight of all her 12 piglets. If siblings did compete for maximum resources, the heaviest piglet will be sucking from the nipple of most milk supply and the lightest piglet, the nipple of least milk supply. The finding was a perfect match with this prediction. The third part was laboratory research. More than 30 mothers played with their eldest child and intentionally neglected a younger sibling. All younger siblings began messing around in no more than 30 seconds. The reverse was not true. All eldest kids just asked to join in. With this insight, I know how to deal with Yu Sum, just give attention more evenly between the brothers, reassuring his position.