The First Rebuke

Conrad Ho

It was a warm night at the end of February 2003. Amy was resting in bed; Yu Sum was looking at his mom at the room door; I was watching television; and Lago was playing in the living room. All of a sudden, Lago rose, ran to Yu Sum, and pulled him down. With this unexpected attack, Yu Sum lost his balance and knocked his forehead onto the edge of door frame. It was a hard hit. Overwhelmed by pain, Yu Sum cried soundless with a wide open mouth. A long straight swelling in purple blue soon appeared.

We were furious at this unprovoked attack. Amy scolded Lago heavily and hit him in his palm. He was obviously overwhelmed by this treatment, too! Looking at his mom under his eyebrows, he swallowed the pain silently. At the same time, I comforted Yu Sum on my laps and told the maid to make an hardboiled. Rolling a boiled egg on a swelling could make it heal faster. After the scolding, Amy turned to hug Yu Sum while I brushed Lago into his room. “No more play tonight! In bed you go now!” I said. Lago yelled to get out but I sat down against the door, repeatedly demanding that he would go to bed.

At this same moment, the sons finally cried out loud. Lago struggled to open the door inside while Yu Sum was avoiding the boiled egg on his forehead outside. I was ordering the elder brother to go to bed in a severe tone while Amy was working hard to comfort the younger brother.

During the 15 minutes stalemate between Lago and myself, I constantly asked myself whether this was the best way. Lago was obviously frightened. After Yu Sum was pacified, he was left to the maid. Amy crashed in, grabbed Lago’s shoulders and asked him if he would apologize for his deed. At first, Lago used his usual way in dealing with such a situation, crying and shutting off. This time, however, it did not work. Amy insisted he would apologize.

Then Lago did something we had never seen before. He looked at his mom’s eyes and seriously said in tears, “I’m sorry!” Amy cooled off immediately. “Then, go to apologize to Yu Sum.” Off he went, lightly touching the bump to show sympathy. He apologized to me, too, afterwards. Since he seemed to have learnt his lesson, we comforted Lago and sent him to bed as usual.

This incident has thrown me into a deep thought. “What is the best way to teach kids, active intervention or non-intervention?” According to the fundamental beliefs of Zhuangzi, a classical Chinese philosopher which I always admire, and the basic assumptions of Kinesiology coaching, the answer will be: “follow the flow”. Therefore, it is clear in principle. However, the question is how and when to operationalize it into the level of actions. When you are forcing yourself to follow the flow, you are not following the flow. It is only a very fine line. Well! I do not have “the” answer to the question. I would just do whatever feel right at the moment. This time, it seems that we have done right. Lago did demonstrate that he learnt his lesson. 