Handling the Child’s Feelings on the Spot

Conrad Ho

It was a morning deep in Autumn. Cold winds scratched the skin like a knife. I was putting on my shoes near the door, ready to go to work. Lago was originally in the study room enjoying short digital movies on the computer. With watery eyes, he came out to the living room, looking at me in a distance, saying, “I afraid you go work!” I was alarmed, sat down and put him onto my laps. Before I could ask anything, his tears fell like rain and he repeated the ungrammatical phrase again and again.
This behaviour was unusual. So, I told him on one hand to call me in the office when feeling afraid. On the other, I dried his tears, reminding him of how the office looked. Very soon, he stopped crying and went back to his movies. I finished wearing my shoes and went in to say goodbye. Again, tears poured and he said his phrase. It was time to go. I just said “I’ll be back soon” and left.
Though I was thinking of how to complete that day’s work in the car, I could not really concentrate. Lago had, in fact, told us similar things before, about not wanting us to leave for work. Our typical reaction was a smile plus a casual remark of “don’t be silly!”. Or we might simply ignore it. The remark that day had to be an escalated version of this improperly-handled feeling.
These thoughts faded gradually into the background as the busy day began to unreel. At 9:30 a.m., the door of the office flew open. Lago and Yu Sum walked in with a wide smile, eyes rolling around. When Amy left after me, Lago complaint to her, too. Sensitive Amy knew just what to do. She not only described the office to him but brought him all the way here to let him visit us in person.
He inspected the surroundings a bit, went into the first personal coaching room to play with the toys there and climbed up the window in the second coaching room to have a view. Eventually, he sat on my laps, flipped through some documents on the desk, fiddled with things in the drawers, and punched playfully on the keyboard. Twenty minutes had gone and he felt enough. He put on his shoes, threw a flying kiss, said “goodbye”, turned around and went home with the maid for a nap.
Watching the satisfied look on his face as he left, I gained an inner knowing. When a child sends out an important message, it is a must for the parent to immediately and properly handle on the spot. This can turn the child from tears to laughter and from fright to security.
P.S. After that day, Amy and myself had discussed over the hidden message behind his “I afraid you go work.” Our conclusion is that Lago was not really frightened by our leaving for work. It was just his way of expressing his feeling of wanting more time with us. The word “feeling” here was very important because it was a subjective evaluation of the situation. The objective length of time in company could be beside the point. Thus, we had not accompanied him for longer time but added to the variety of activities when we were together. Afterwards, we talked more on the feelings of the experience to impress more on his memories. It was over two months from that day to the date of writing this article. Lago had only made the same complaint once more, about two weeks from that day. 