A Gift For The 43rd Birthday: A Woman Who Finally Woke Up From Her Sleepwalking Life – “Living Out Your Authentic Self” Casework Sharing

Amy Choi. November 24, 2014

The Casework Workshop of the Authentic Self Series III – Living Out Your Authentic Self ended amidst the cool breeze, splashing waves and setting sun of Dapeng Bay in Shenzhen on 23 November 2014. With balanced body and mind and the discovery of “authentic self”, participants went back to their life, the most important field, to savour the experience in noticing everyday and practicing step by step. No matter they are in a painful or delightful experience, it is believed that they would still trust the process and wait patiently to strive toward living out the authentic self in full, unfolding the life of an increasingly authentic self.

I have put forward a presupposition – authentic self is the realization of the purpose and meaning of life. When the things people do in the world (what I am doing) match his/her authentic self (who I am), his/her authentic self would be manifested in the material world.

If we explore the authentic self based on this presupposition, then we need to know and understand clearly two questions: (1) What am I doing? (2) Who am I? Many people define themselves by their social roles, such as: I am a mother looking after kids; I am a person who promotes knowledge; I am a teacher; I am a son faithful to parents; I am a boss leading a certain organization…etc., etc. However, if what I do does not match who I am, then I, who would have deserved 100 credits, could only get a discount of what I am worth at 50 or 70 credits.

The issues of “what I am doing” and “who I am” were shown in this workshop in the casework of “the authentic self of a sleepwalking doll”. The client of this case was a woman who had a stable job and pretty good relationship with her family. The day of her casework was coincidentally her 43rd birthday. Most of the time during the process, I sat on the floor, pulling a defined length of string once in a while, just like wasting time in life. Occasionally, I would stand up to walk with my eyes closed, expressionless and aimlessly. More than an hour had passed, the entire venue was filled with boredom. Many students could not stand the boredom and fell asleep. This exactly reflected the life of the client which was uneventful and dull, making people feel drowsy.

At the end, what the client needed to do was to open her eyes to look at the ocean in front of her. The birthday party then began. She accepted other people’s blessing towards the life she was living. The day after she opened her eyes, the client finally understood that she had been sleepwalking in life during all these years.

The client shared below her understanding and feeling of the process of the casework: “I, the sleepwalking doll, looked at Amy holding a ball of string during the process of my casework. She was pulling it, pulling it…..I felt it a pity. The entire scene was suddenly surrounded by an atmosphere of boredom… I was very anxious, but I was unable to do anything. I could only watch Amy pulling away my precious time into heaps and heaps on the floor…..tears came gushing down…and then…and then..Amy took me through birth, old age, sickness and death with my eyes closed. I was wandering around aimlessly and listlessly. I could not feel anything even though I saw Amy bumping her head against the wall and then finding a new way….

Amy led me slowly to the window and said, “Open your eyes when your are ready.” I held my breath for a long time, and then I opened my eyes slowly, seeing the ocean, people playing….I was saying to myself that there was nothing special. And then Amy said, “It¡¦s fine now.”

Today was my birthday…Mr. Law, the organizer had prepared a beautiful cake for me. I ate it happily…I was deeply moved by the blessings from everyone.

Everything was so different, and yet so ordinary.

It was until the next day, when I opened my eyes in waking that the sudden realization shocked me. Amy consciously took me through the life I had been living: a sleepwalking life.

It was like entering into the film Inception. I had never been able to tell whether I was inside or outside a dream. The feeling of impotence in real life was just like that in a dream, not being able to shout or run. The sudden awakening made me feel really blessed. It was time that I should wake up. Otherwise, in a blink of eyes, my life would be gone.

I would like to thank Amy, the organizer, and the classmates who all fell asleep. This dream was too long; this dream stealing space was too strange. Thanks Amy for the excellent unfolding!”