Coming Back from the Balancing Retreat

Su Yong Hong (Fuzhou)
December 2010

I intended to write down my changes from the balancing retreat in October 2010 but was hesitant. How long would they last? I could not stop doubting. More than one month had passed before I was confident enough to do so. Several points were noted:

1.I worked during working hours and did not want to while at home – Before, I handled things at work and thought of doing them at home; always worrying, always planning, and endless thinking. Every time my son asked me to play with him, I nearly always turned him down. For my own convenience, I would even negotiate to play only one game with him each day. So, this was my life, working in the company and at home. For a period, I felt like being a machine. After the balancing retreat, my brain seemed to automatically short-circuited itself when I was at home and began to think of work. It felt uncomfortable doing so, Therefore, I just stopped thinking of work and began playing with my son, chatting with my daughter, doing balances with them, enjoying my son practicing piano or even watching TV with them (I had not watched TV at home for two years). One day, when my son was sitting in the toilet, he told me his first wish had materialized. “What was that, my son?” He turned his little face up to me and said, “Living every day happily! I do.” I was touched. The request of the kid was not difficult at all.

2. My working style had changed dramatically – Before, I was always working. After coming back from the balancing retreat, I felt something wrong about it and asked myself, “Are the things that I was doing really important? Have I allotted time to things that are really beneficial to the development of my company?” Since that, I started to delegate, with less and more patience; giving my subordinates more time to learn and perfect their skills. I had always remembered workshop facilitator Conrad Ho saying, “This is his/her learning style.” Each person has their unique learning style; some being faster, some slower; some looking at this angle, some at another angle. I used not to have the patience to wait while they learnt. When they did not learn right away, I did it myself. Now, when my subordinates ask me how to do, I will think of whether to tell them or let them explore and get a handle on their own. Now, I am able to respect their will to grow.

3. I am less controlling on my kids – One morning, I thought my daughter was wearing too little, and asked her to put on one more pair of trousers and one more outer coat. She refused and I said, “Go with your decision.” Later on, when I went out, I found out that the weather was actually not as cold as I believed. Similar examples are abound. Her room and her school-bag were used to be very messy. My reaction was either to organize for her or scold her. Now, I have stopped doing so. One day, she offered to let me see her school-bag. She had organized it well! My son’s change was even bigger. After I was back from work, he would request me to balance him. I was surprised to observe that in four balances in a row, he had chosen to use play-dough as a balancing activity. I thought he had to be doing sensory balances. My son was a clever kid, full of energy and loved to learn. He performed well in all interest groups while he had done less and less destructive things.

4. Around my husband, my greatest progress was to separate clearly business from private matters – We worked together in our business. Before, opinion divergence at work would make me angry at him and stopped talking to him at home. Now, I am at peace with him though we have just argued about business matters in the office. After this balancing retreat, he for the first time agreed to let me balance him; three balances in two days, all very basic ones. I felt his changes (though he refused to admit it overtly).

5. Physical changes – My headache was gone. In the 6 months upto the balancing retreat, my headache had never stopped. During serious ones, the head felt like to burst. This month after the retreat, no more headache; and shoulder muscles were relaxed. Just that pimples were bubbling up around my lips; so ugly. Before, they would emerge only when I had eaten energetically “hot” stuff. But what can I do? Relax, and they will come and go.

The balance retreat this time is a great leap forward for me. Like what I had said during this balancing retreat: “After the previous balancing retreats, I became working more efficiently and effectively, resulting in even more fatigue. After this balancing retreat, my brain had stopped thinking about things that used to worry me and make me anxious. I used to believe that I had to finish many things on my own. Now, it seems that someone else can also finish them. Of course, I am now less busy. Therefore, I have planned to go to Hongkong for a holiday with my whole family. It will be enjoyable for me. Do you not think so?