Playing = Learning
Zheng Haiying (Shenzhen) May 2014
On the day after the “Learn-to-Play” Balancing Camp, my son jumped on top of his dad when he saw him lying in bed for a nap in the afternoon. (Dad is a bit plump. My son always lies on top of his dad, saying it is like sleeping on a “deluxe soft bed”.) Dad was already tired after playing in the morning and wanted to sleep. Therefore, he pushed off the son when he tried to pounced on him. However, the more the father pushed off the son, the more the son clung onto the father. It was probably because the desire to play had not been satisfied.
When I saw this situation, I beckoned my son to my side. He immediately pounced on me and tried to cover my face with a quilt. I felt so uncomfortable that I took off the quilt and told him, “I don’t like it when you covered me with the quilt.” At the same time, I recalled watching a specialist video in the morning. An international authoritative academic in play behaviour research gave demonstration on different kinds of play. In situation where the true self coming from the heart engaged in playing, there would be a lot of contact and touch between adults and children. Such contact would make children feel safe psychologically and would also help them learn.
In remembering this, I tried to do the same as shown in the video. I locked my legs around my son and put one arm round his body gently. My son seemed to like it and stopped making a fuss. I was about to close my eyes and fall asleep. Suddenly, I felt a slight pain on my arm. It was my son pinching me on my arm with the nails of his thumb and index fingers.
Previously, I would definitely say “Son, you are hurting me. Stop it!” or something similar to stop his behaviour. Perhaps, it was the impact of the balancing camp in the past two days. I learned to face happenings with a playful attitude. Perhaps, I was inspired by the video that Conrad Ho showed us regarding a polar bear and a sled dog at play. The sled dog displayed body postures that sent out an invitation to play. Surprisingly, the hungry wild polar bear did not open its menacing mouth to tear the sled dog to pieces. Instead, it held out its paws tenderly and played with the dog. This time, I did not tell my son to stop. On the contrary, I made different sounds according to the severity of the pinch and the degree of pain I felt. When my son pinched harder, I grimaced and let out a long hissing sound; when he did it lighter, I only made a small sound. I played with my child using facial expression and voice.
Seeing me like that, my son laughed heartily and happily. Next, he started to bite my arms. Similarly, I let out different sounds according to the severity of biting, giving him the true feedback of my feeling. During this process, my son gradually stopped pinching and biting too hard since it had caused me a lot of pain. Instead, he made it softer and softer though there was still slight distinction in intensity. This game continued for about five minutes. All the while, my son had been laughing happily. Later on, he stopped. Without prompting, he returned to his bed, plumped his pillow and folded back the quilt to lie down quietly for an afternoon nap. At that moment, I was extremely amazed because this child never took afternoon nap, not to mention that he would do it on his own initiative and be so quiet. I reckoned that the play process must have given him extreme satisfaction in his mind. As such, energy started to flow properly and continuously in his whole person and so the person could become steady and quiet.
Also, I understood that when one responded to children with playful attitude, children would not only cooperate, they would also learn something. For example, the mastering of “extent”: the ways that others would like or accept, the ways that would make others feel uncomfortable and the ways that would be excessive. Through trying and experiencing, he learnt to use his body and experienced the limit.
Just as Conrad pointed out during the “Learn-to-Play” Camp, scientists found that the six stages of play in fact coincided exactly with the six stages of learning: expectation-surprise-fun-learning-progress-elegance! I now have had the most direct experience about playing=learning.
