I Could Live Relaxed
Lily Fang, Xian
December 2010
As far as two and a half years ago, I had already heard of some of the amazing results from Touch for Health (“TFH”) balances. Due to time constraints, any meaningful, actual contacts with TFH could only happen in November 2010 when I was so lucky to have the support of my family, allowing me to be away for 10 days in a TFH Synthesis (“TFHS”) class.
Digging into psychological mysteries has always been my interest. It propels me to continuously study and learn on my path of spiritual growth. Discovering and solving problems seems to have become my daily routine; at the same time, physical and mental fatigue, the order of the day. Every time I communicate with my subconscious for the reasons for my tiredness and pains, a weird state of blankness and nothingness will emerge.
It was the first day in TFHS class. Conrad Ho the workshop facilitator talked about the health triangle of TFH in the context of the Theory of Jing, Qi, Shen in traditional Chinese medicines and about bodily responses. I found TFH so simple and easily understandable, but of course, something simple could in fact be very deep.
As the workshop days went by, my body would give out different responses. In the warm-up exercise of restoring spine mobility, I found my thorax so stiff. Conrad reminded me: “Did you find something hard to swallow?” My first reaction was that I was not good enough. There was something in me that was inferior. Then, When I heard Conrad said, “any symptom could be a resource,”I suddenly realized more vividly what resources were. No more unnecessary requirements of myself being perfect and best; no more judgments on my being right or wrong. I started to learn how to release my instinctive competitiveness, my acting out strong and even some of my past.
On the fourth workshop day, after gathering all my courage, I volunteered to do a balancing demonstration. My body was shaking internally right after my stating the goal. Emotions were stirring. After the balance, I could feel my back muscles while walking.
Each day, the participants had the opportunity to practice balancing. In the last afternoon in TFH4, it was time for Five-Sound Balance. It was easy for me to give out those sounds in the practicing stage. My hearing was excellent, and I was good at mimicking sounds and rhythms. However, when I practiced doing the balance with a partner, I was surprised to my core. As my liver system was always in the over-energy state, my expectation was to work on my liver. In the Five-Sound Balance procedure, we found out that I would work on Water, on my fear and anxiety, and the sound to be made was groaning.
That was too hard for me! I was once seriously sick as a child, receiving a shot each day and taking dozes of Chinese herbal medicines. My parents would cry while watching me enduring all these but I was totally quiet, because I loved to hear them say, “my child was so courageous; no groaning, no crying. After this training, no matter what pain I was going through, I never groaned, fearing that others would see me as weak.
When I started trying to groan, I was deeply embarrassed. Shame was all over me. Only a faint sound was squeezed out from my throat. Gradually, it could come out from the lungs, together with sadness and tears. My body was shaking, my face white and my head seemingly turning. I continued making the groaning sound after some rest. This time, I began to feel my kidneys being tired and shaken and the groaning sound coming out naturally. A sense of happiness suddenly penetrated my groaning and I loved it! We did muscle-checking only to find the indicator muscle still unlocked. Therefore, I just continued enjoying my groaning till it felt enough. All indicator muscles were tested strong and my feeling of over-energy miraculously disappeared.
Ten days went by fast. When I looked at the posture photographs taken before class started on the first day, I found myself stiff at my knees, head turning right slightly and having to assert effort to straighten up my back. Ten days afterwards, I felt relaxed, spine naturally upright and the flowingness in my body.
I remembered my parents teaching me to be independent in my growth process. I stayed in a boarding school when I was 14; left my hometown for study when I was 17; and started my career life alone in another city. I told myself to be strong, fight alone, perform better than anyone else and requiring perfection always. When it was really beyond my abilities, I scolded myself for being too dumb. As time passed, I forgot the feelings of being relaxed, of my female gentleness; that I was only an ordinary person; that I was allowed to have weaknesses.
When I emerged from the TFHS class after 10 days, I had found my position, the long-forgotten light feelings. I realized that I could live relaxed. When the heart changed, the angle of interpretation also changed. I noticed that I was more at peace and at rest. I had a sense of goal and direction.
A complicated feeling of joy and happiness poured out from my heart. The most obvious was thankfulness. I thanked Conrad, TFH, the sponsor and most importantly, myself. I thanked the past I who strived for perfection, making the excellent person I was in the moment. I thanked the present I who was relaxed, making the happy person I was in the moment.
