Changes Are Happening
Meiyue (Fuzhou, Fujian)
August 28, 2011
I was one of the coaches in the Move to Learn Summer Camp held in Fuzhou from 14-18 August 2011. Working with head coaches Conrad Ho and Chen Yanbing as well as other fellow coaches offered lots of learning and feeling opportunities for me.
The changes that occurred in the participating children not only surprised themselves but also made me feel delighted. My biggest realization was: changes were happening. The kids had advanced one huge step forward, at different paces. Some kids had very obvious changes after only the first day; some picked up the pace of change in the third day; certain individuals did not show much difference at the surface, but you could feel something stirring within. Though results might not be immediately observable for all, I believed that they would yield nice surprises eventually, as Conrad had put it.
Out of the 8 children in my group, 3 had remarkable changes – from shyness, silence and cautiousness at the start to open speech in front of everybody, revealing their internal worlds and emotions. In the talent show, which they had so dreaded about that they had once been too afraid to participate and had threatened to leave the camp early, they overcame their fears and showed themselves off. Their families were so surprised by the advance they had made and each of them had found a new courageous self. Other kids learnt the importance of obeying regulations; some felt the warmth, accommodation and strength of a group and no longer habitually roamed alone at the periphery; some were not uptight and alert any more, but had trusted the environment more, communicating with others in a more relaxed way; some learnt to faithfully express oneself in the sharing session when the day drew to an end, talking about internal feelings and not suppressing them, letting people understand their hearts, facilitating better communications and building up better relationships; some learnt to appreciate others, which was very important, because in so doing, their own quest for progress would begin. In my group of 8 kids, 7 of them came out at the end of day 4 to state the progresses they had made that day, to compete for the Progress Award of the Day. In day 5, all stated their progresses. That made me increasingly happy. I believed that discovering one’s strengths, openly appreciating and praising oneself as well as receiving comments from everybody required even more courage and confidence than praising others. I believed that those kids who had made that stride would create more wonderful things for themselves.
In the crawling competition, I directly observed the individual developmental differences in their abilities to coordinate the left and right sides of their bodies and to balance. In my group, some could crawl nicely, all four limbs propelling themselves in a coordinated manner. Some other kids were obviously using their arms only; some, just the legs. For a particular girl, she was using her two arms and one leg, with the other leg practically being dragged along.
I had asked Conrad about this phenomenon. He explained that the kids were at different developmental stages of muscle control. Humans had a timetable of development. The upper limbs would develop first, then lower limbs, then arm and leg on same sides, and eventually arm and leg on opposite sides. When the core muscles were not well-developed, the body was less able to coordinate and balance itself. Information inputs and outputs would be affected, which might result in learning difficulties and behavioral problems in the more extreme cases.
Conrad required the coaches to focus on “authenticity”. His emphasis on factual description moved me. He trained his coaches to give factual feedbacks to the kids during the camp, meaning no praises nor devaluations but just factual descriptions on observed behaviors. No matter how they had won or lost in the games, we just said,”I observed that you had put in your efforts in the game. Any experience to share in the process?” This was done in the express purpose of facilitating the kids to sharpen their self-awareness.
My association was: When facing difficulties or challenges, withdrawing kids would be afraid of experiencing failures. They would say, “I won’t go!” Or “I quit!” Little was achieved though families members used all sorts of ways to praise and encourage them. Parents had been praising too much to encourage. However, kids would soon find out outside the family environment that these were not the case. They were not only not very great or adorable, but also might be quite far behind others. From such discoveries, they would lose their self-confidence. They would discount any praise, though some might be genuine and true; and count on negative comments. These were not good for their growth.
Self-confidence was derived from accumulated success experiences. Parents should trust their kids, letting them handle their own matters on their own, and never handle their matters on their behalf. In so doing, the kids would develop a sense of self-control and self-mastery, comprehending actual results through hands-on operations. In this way, they would be willing to be responsible for THEIR results, thereby getting more experiences in the events and more precise self-understandings. There were truly beneficial to their growth. Therefore, in the days of the camp, I demanded myself to only factually describe, saying praises only in particulars, meaning not just saying “You’re doing great today!” but instead, “I commend you, because you have exhibited good self-control today, getting back to your seat on time after the bell had rung and abound yourself by the regulations. Good progress!” I began to focus on praising the kids’ efforts on top of the immediate results, letting them know that both the result and the process were important. By offering support to them in this way, they would be more able to face difficulties, thus, fostering self-confidence.
In the game of Treasure Hunting, my group of kids experienced defeat and the resulting frustration and sadness. I personally felt bad when people around me had such feelings. I had some sort of urge to intervene, helping them to get out of it soonest. However, I remembered the teaching of Conrad and refrained myself from doing anything. This was a golden opportunity for the kids to face something that had to happen sometime somehow in their process of development. I just let go, leaving them alone to experience their emotions uninterrupted, this sense of failure. After reaching the emotional low, a rebound would naturally come. A full experience of the whole process on their own would facilitate their growth. Maybe that was “giving those in need a fishing rod, but not a fish.”
That morning, when I saw them in such emotional pain, my heart also ached and felt twisted, wondering when they would come out of it. During lunch, I could see some had come out and felt relieved. Others got back into shape when they began to rehearse for the Talent Show. The team leader was a bit anxious as he saw some team members becoming absent-minded; and team members were a bit discontent as they saw the team leader becoming harsh. I just observed from a distance, trusting that they could handle it on their own and things would turn out fine for them. From my urge to intervene at the beginning to eventually being able to trust them, I deeply experienced the truth that adults should fully trust the kids, leaving them alone to prove their abilities. And the kids in my group proved themselves in the Talent Show – their performance were voted by other kids as the best among them. How I was amazed by their progress!
Thanks to Conrad for his brief lecture before lunch on the 5th day on “Success ¡Ú Achievement”! In each stride toward the goal, there would be achievements made, as stepping stones for success to be gained eventually. That was why “failures” together with their relevant achievements could be the mother of success. I believed that not only the kids in my group had benefitted from the idea. All other kids in the camp and myself had.
In these five days of Move to Learn Camp, I had deeper insights on the importance of positive phrasing and immediate feedbacks. In the girls’ quarter, due to emotional outbursts, inappropriate emotional expressions, emotional extensions from class in the daytime and un-reciprocated friendship offers, there were various disturbances during bedtime. But in the fourth and final night, it was calm! It was a living proof of the kids’ learnings in the camp.
I personally gained a lot in the activities in the camp and in the communications with the coaches. I would like to re-iterate the deepest insight from the camp: changes were happening, on me, on my kids, maybe on …..
