I Am a Woman. I Live a Woman’s Life!

Shi Yanling (Zhengzhou, China)
Mar 31, 2014

I do not remember from which year onwards that I have been attending the courses in the Balancing Retreat series of workshops. My growth has been gradual and quiet; my life and work have been changing in a flow.

In the two balancing retreats last year, my balancing goals had been ¡§built-in stress¡¨ and ¡§fear¡¨ respectively. Just after the balances, there were a lot of things I did not comprehend. However, when I went back to my real-world life and work, a lot of changes showed up and I had very different experiences.

What I felt most deeply was that when I laid in bed to rest, my legs could feel the softness and warmth of the bed sheets. The feeling of relaxation and freedom was very comforting. Last November, my mother-in-law was sick and went to the hospital. I could stay extremely calm while taking care of her. I felt grounded and fulfilled. When she was discharged, I took her and father-in-law home to live with us. I could see that they were feeling warmth and groundedness in their hearts, and so experiencing deeply the common saying that ¡§the senior at home is a treasure¡¨.

There were great changes in my workplace, too! My thinking was clearer and wider. More new ideas were expressed naturally. I could also be relaxed and natural in implementing my ideas. Last year, my company used innovative ways to open up more cooperative platforms. I knew that my company had moved on to the next level.

This time, in the course of ¡§Making Total-System Commitments¡¨ in the Foundation Balances in the Balancing Retreat Series, I was aware of the innermost, the finest and the most fundamental matters in my life that I had neglected. My case was about ¡§back to the basic¡¨. When Conrad Ho guided me during my balance, I found out what was basic to me. The balancing goal that came out was: I am a woman; I live a woman’s life.

I did not know what method Conrad had used in working on my case. I only knew that during the whole process, I saw myself shoveling all the rejected pieces of me under the ¡§carpet¡¨ of my ¡§woman¡¨ identity. For example, the woman was troublesome, bothersome, and very emotional; with muddled thinking, doing stupid things clumsily, etc. Another part of my ¡§problem¡¨ was being faithful to my parents. I had wished to be transformed into a responsible man, helping my parents to take care of the family and bringing honour to my parents with my career achievements, etc. The third part was fighting against fate for all women: What about the woman? Women could also have the ability and wisdom to build up a great career; the woman was as good as the man; etc.

During the balance, I released different kinds of suppressed emotions and energies in my heart through tears. My perspective was turned around: was it stupid and ignorant for me to do men’s things all the time when I was a woman in this life? Well! It was time to make a decision. ¡§I am a woman. I live the life of a woman¡¨. I stood up and wrote down these most fundamental words on the white board to let the whole wide world knows.

I knew that this balancing retreat had brought me back to the foundation of my life. There is a whole new life for me ahead, waiting to be experienced.